you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
