so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
