She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
