did you get engaged???
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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