Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
