genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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