Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
