after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
