and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
