cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
