I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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