Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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