Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
