A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
