Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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