I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
