I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
