I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
