one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The power of my boobs compel you
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
