Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
