is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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