It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
