Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
