I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
