well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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