Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
