You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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