Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
