My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
