...so i touched it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
