Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
