I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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