We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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