If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
