he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize