i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
