her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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