Your face is a jimmy john
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
