so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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