If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Actions speak louder than pants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
