the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
