Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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