How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
