I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
