If i come over, it means nothing
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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