I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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