like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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