where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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