found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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