Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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