I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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