I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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