Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
