No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
