he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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