I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
