shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize