dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
