What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
