You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I pour the whiskey from now on
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
