trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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