I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You can't motorboat a personality
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
