All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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