i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
True strength comes from lack of pants
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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