You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
