I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
