I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
