The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I deserve this hangover.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
