ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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