Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
