i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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