I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
