i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
